Oh lord, I've gotten behind with my posting. Today is Day 10 of my 40 Works In 40 Days project, but I still haven't posted days 8 or 9. I actually wanted to post day 8 by itself because it was pretty significant to me. So this is about day 8, which was Wednesday October 31. Halloween.
I have mentioned lately about my worries about my job-quitting-decision/situation/money a million times over. It has been something I have not been able to shake. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how if I had just toughed it out at my day job, I would have all this money to pay all my bills and buy things and put money in savings and life would be great. But then I think about the person that that job was turning me into and it helps ease the thoughts about money. My worrying has obstructed my creative process in a HUGE way. How can creative thoughts flow freely when a thousand worries are flying around your head at warp speed? They just can't.
So on Halloween, way late into the night, I started making a list. I made a list first (and most important by far) of things I was grateful for. Even stupid things, like finding a quarter on the ground that allowed me to complete a full cycle of laundry. Life is about the little things. Then I made a list of things I did not miss about my day job and about the bitchy (sorry, don't mean to offend anyone) person it had turned me into.
Then I decided to start on my day 8 art. So for the past few weeks or so, I have been working on multiple logos for people who have contacted me saying they like my work and want me to design a logo for them. Maybe one of the most flattering things ever. So I said yes to all of them. First thing I've learned: take a deposit. Because some not-so-awesome people just take your design and disappear. Neat! Too bad for them I have a close friend who is an attorney and emails count as a contract. Second thing I learned: I don't think logos are for me. While I try to have thick skin, when someone returns your design to you upwards of 20 times asking for changes/alterations/remove this/add that... it really makes you doubt your abilities. I don't like it. I work like an explosion and don't like anyone telling me what to do and not do.
Aaaanyway, back to day 8. After making "the list," I flung paint and ink EVERYWHERE because I was so frustrated about EVERYTHING. And by everywhere I mean I'm pretty sure I lost the security deposit I put down on this apartment, if I ever decide to move. After that, I decided to use some of the inspiration/sketches from various logo projects. Just glue them down and make marks and paint stuff and not worry about what people think. It felt amazing.
Random sidenote: if anyone recognizes the face in this work, it's from a sketch from a clothing line project I've been working on whose owner is amazing and exempt from my rants :)
So if you are still reading (yes I know I'm long-winded), after I went to sleep on day 8 and woke up on day 9, I decided to stop worrying about EVERYTHING. No matter what happens, I will be fine. The purpose of this project was to make me think and make me realize that I want this SO BADLY. So yesterday and today, the floodgates have opened and I cannot create art fast enough. It's almost 1am and I am already excited to wake up tomorrow and start on the things that I won't have time to finish today.
Here are a couple works that were borne once I removed my negative thoughts:
Both of course available in my Etsy shop. But the ideas I have are pouring out like a dam is breaking, like what happened when I very first quit my job, before all the worrying set in. It's like I'm renewing my faith in why I know this will work.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the crappiest most wannabe blogger ever because so much stuff goes on in my head and I try to talk about it and people just must think, "What the hell?" But I guess that's just me. I'm the idiot who quit my job with the comfortable salary to live a zero-guarantee life of making and selling things that I create.
I know that I'm not an idiot. But everyone has inner battles. This project (and also the job-quitting experience) has taught me more since September 7 than I have learned in my entire 29 years of existence.